wrong city.

i'm talking, but is anyone listening?

i'm shouting, yelling, screaming, but no one is listening to me.

and i've finally built up the courage and i think i'm ready now

for educating.

i've been having flashbacks and forwards.

and damn. 

these parents aren't okay.

these kids are real.

and there's nothing sick about love.

this city needs a home.

i'm losing hope.

this scenario is so old.

you make love sick. 

and what does it take for people to understand the dynamics 

of 'there's no place like home'..

and i'll walk around this entire city until my voice is heard.

i will paint on every wall....words that drip with a desire to be heard until they are understood.

and i've spent enough time sitting, watching, and dissecting...to know that i know.

and something's terribly wrong here.

some things are terribly wrong...here in this city.

we aren't collaborating.

and people don't care about people.

boxes.

shelves.

dirt.

hate.

bruises.

scars.

pain.

and yeah, it's damn cold outside.

and gosh.

it's hard to put words 

to a situation that is just so 

terribly wrong..

life.

silent and breathless.

the cycle overtakes me.

happy birthday and a funeral.

infected and unable.

overwhelmed.

and all night i dream of dreams that fill the air.

cold.

and everyone is dying 

for something.

words and truth.

the year ends and begins.

happy birthday and a funeral.

photographs.

memory.

something to talk about or remember.

include.

..

it's cold, the cycle continues..

and my words 

are frozen.

communication.

busting open. and breaking down. the barriers. that divide.

and communication.

a desire for something. open. with words. and knowledge.

a city that speaks. yells. shouts.

words painted on every wall.

busting open and breaking down the notion of gender.

the concept of all concepts.

keeping me up at night.

haunting my sleep.

and i write reports about collaboration and communication.

how are health care professionals taught to communicate? is the question.

and why are they taught so differently?

something so simple.

how are people taught to communicate?

and what is communication?

why are we so mean?

and power....like a cape...people draped in power.

sweet sweet power destroys communication and is the biggest barrier.

the barrier of all barriers.

like gender.

just a barrier.

and i walk into this weekend filled questions.

and a desire. for something as simple as communication.

open.

cross roads.

and wide open.

like the sky.

these days.

forms.

and an application.

for a future......

i explode.

with idea.

for film.

and paper.

pen.

word.

presentations like rain.

a coming together.

something more meant to be than anything.

no denying.

and i'm full for you.

for this.

for words.

and idea.

a future.

right.

here.

collaboration

Learning about the learning these days.
About the teaching and the power.
The dynamics that keep us separated from one another.
Papers and dialogue.
Words and writing.

I wish I could turn this into the art I see it as.

I wish I could show them through my lens....
how I see this teaching, learning, power dynamic.

GID

something is testing my limits.

pushing me to the edges.

yesterday.

another meeting.

board room.

"Gender Identity Disorder."

something is testing me.

but showing me.

the other side.

the way "they" operate.

and it makes my voice louder.

i stand taller.

something is happening

here.

tensions.

an interesting day.

i attended a medical research day conference.

swanky.

a room. covered in medical students, "professionals"...

and me.

it started with a type of speech or presentation.

something along the lines of "Qualitative research can carry a lot of useful information, i think"

and my attention was caught.

questions. with answers.

and language.

no one's doing anything about language.

a common ground?

how are we supposed to understand one another?

work collaboratively?

and my research meant nothing today.

quantitative. graphs. medication. and so it started.

i carried myself with a smile.

but had little to share.

because my interests were not interesting today.

at medical research day.

and then something.

another presentation. 

a whole slot of presentations allocated to interprofessional education and collaboration.

something brilliant.

the notion of power.

an interest in power/knowledge - Foucault.

the medical gaze.

i watched as the doctor's squirmed in their seats.

tension.

tension.

tension.

i am learning about education.

about the way health care professionals are educated.

about the way they could be educated...to work collaboratively.

to decrease or eliminate stereotypes and hierarchy. the tensions that separate them from one another.

but mostly..an education design that could possibly improve the quality of health care...

and it's interesting.

fascinating at times.

but today was something else...

in those rooms.

with those people.

today was observation and tension.

i could spend all night rewriting what today was.

but instead i'll take a bath and wash it off.