Wednesday, July 30, 2008

to here.

august or something after.
and dreams that woke me. but made it hard to wake.
eleven hours. and today the world aligned. in line.
i killed the pain.
and the ants spoke in great detail. to me.
i am forward.
and things are coming together.
change brings sadness.
and it's good. and filling.
but the closer i get.
and with autumn.
these things change.
an opening.
or a meeting.
an alignment.
things are just as they are meant to

Tuesday, July 29, 2008

c l o s e r .

this writing comes natural.
and these feelings are real.
everyday. all the time.
i have a completed first draft.
i only need to put my photographs into the document.
i had a discussion. filled with questions.
and i had all the answers.
it was surprising.
and i've been learning so much.
this has taught me.
g r o w t h 
and a future project on my mind.
with creation.
my next step now is to begin my short film.
i can't believe it's almost august.
i have spent the summer in the library!
feeling a bit nervous about finding a job.
and i'm trying to network with people.
met a woman from sick kids.
and i hope...

Tuesday, July 22, 2008


60 pages. or something like it.
and i keep reaching points.
full and empty.
this consumes my mind. 
at night, i dream of homelessness.
something to change. or fight for.
educate. learn. unlearn.
and i am surrounded by ignorance.
people understand less and i grow.
further. farther. far.
60 pages into this. proud.
and then this morning a "friend" said to me:
 "that's great. all this work and then when it's done, it will just sit on your hard-drive. no one's going to read it"
discouraged. encouraged.
i will make sure people read this.

Sunday, July 13, 2008


another meeting. and your words. 
are like progress. 
pages filled and filling. still.
there's an organization to this.
excitement. or something like it.
and my dreams are so strange. at night.
gender. gender. gender.
i am haunted by gender. and this sweet, sweet city stirs me.
inside out.
words. and something more. to tell. or speak about.
this is progress. 
i'm getting there. 
and a studio. with paint. and film. massive canvas and windows.
a bridge. dictionaries. conversation with silence.
all these things. i could share.
and gender.
help me find a way to get through. and get the world to think.
more like this. or you.
and this project is fascinating...
to me.

Tuesday, July 8, 2008


i've had a migraine for days.
this is my 4th morning waking up with a beating pulse.
and it's hard to formulate sentences like this. in this state.
but i've been trying.
and my goal was to have 60 pages written by July 14th.
today is July 8th and i've just about got 39 pages.
i think i am focusing on too many sections at the same time.
i need to stop that; it makes me feel overwhelmed.
i have several main arguments that i would like to prove.
but i'm having a difficult time locating "strong/convincing" resources.
i wonder if it's "okay" to quote the bible in my MRP?!

Friday, July 4, 2008


just breathe and work. she says.
and i hit these points where words feel impossible.
i am a feeling. and i don't know words for this.
tired. or exhausted.
hitting a point.
she says it's part of the process.
and today is just one of those days.
34 pages into this. and something in me struggles.
heading North for the weekend.
i'll build a fire and clarity will come.
just breathe.

Wednesday, July 2, 2008

enters in.

this work penetrates my heart.