Wednesday, July 11, 2012
Kyle’s death has struck a very deep, sad chord inside of me. Although I did not know him very well, I was looking forward to getting to know him better. We recently wrote a grant proposal together for a project that we would have led together. I was excited about the possibility of spending more time with Kyle. Unfortunately our project did not get funded. A few weeks ago we discussed that, regardless of the lack of funding, we would find a way to make it work.
I have spent the past few days thinking very much about Kyle’s sweet smile, his soft voice, and his caring ways. I have also spent the past few days thinking about the ways that we treat one another – “we” as in all of us in this community, neighbours, colleagues, strangers on the subway, ignorant people that stare, every single one of us here in this city.
So much time is spent on being cool, being awkward, pretending that you’ve never met the person who you know you have met a dozen times before, placing judgment, and trying to be better than. Not enough time is spent on telling someone that they have a beautiful smile, listening, asking questions, and being soft and kind.
We seriously need to find ways to better support each other, to show people that we care, and to say I love you.
I have also been thinking about the ignorant things that people say on a daily basis and the way that people stare at anyone that doesn’t fit into their clean-cut categories and the extremely negative effects that this all has.
I have been brainstorming things to say to the next person who feels it’s okay to stare at me as if I don’t belong in this world.
This week has slowed me down and made me feel every beat in my heart.
May we find ways to talk about our struggles, insecurities, and fears.
May we learn how to ask more questions, how to listen a little deeper,
and pay closer attention to the small details.
May we please support each other and be kind and gentle and soft and loving and honest and open.
May we please reach out and take care of each other.
In honour of Kyle, I will find a way to make that project happen.