listening.

this morning the bus didn't stop for me. and i think that maybe i was invisible for a moment. and the caterpillars surrounded me. and we walked together. to the next bus. the caterpillars and i.

in their pillars. with legs. and words. and something in between.

yesterday i transcribed a very full document. with words dripping off the sheets of paper. so much was said. and i listened while she spoke on that Monday morning back in April. but i heard it differently this time. and full. with filling. this feels like the base. or the hard drive. her words. and ideas.

"Every youth has a right to be here. Every youth has the right to be treated with dignity and with respect...It seems so simple."

and today i play with words. and findings. today i read and write. and i am working on my literature review. and there is so much to be reviewed. and read. 

and it's really something. this research. re-search. i re-search and re-search until i find what someone else found before.

and it's just something. and all this reading about the abuse and the violence. for what? for having a queer identity.

so many youth are homeless. home less. because their parents don't agree with their "sexual orientation". damn. i would like to re-orient them in their minds. the parents. the power. people have. so much. power. and i wonder. when this world will change. 

breathe.

i feel too much. and will most likely smash a lot of glass throughout the process of this research. 

breathe. 

this is alive. like my heart. in my heart. these words. these findings. i don't just read them. they beat against and into my heart...