a mixture.

"when everything is lonely I can be own best friend, I get a coffee and the paper; have my own conversations with the sidewalk and the pigeons and my window reflection. The mask I polish in the evening, by the morning looks like shit"

...

and i've been thinking. about methodology. methods. the ways we go about doing what we do. how we choose our system. of methods.

and i don't know that i really chose my methods in any particular way. i feel like i just knew. or something. it was there. inside. right from the start. and this whole project. is like something that has been in me for a while. waiting. to come out.

c o m e   o u t .

this project comes out and it brings so much out. it brings out truth.

-

and something in me feels tired. on sunday, babsy and i will go to new york for 4 days to visit my brother. we will look at art. and take photos. and write words on walls. and it will be good. for rest. or for something. it feels important to get away right now for a bit.

and i know that all of this is just beginning now.

the coming out. the truth. the words. the stories. the methods. this system. is only just starting now..

-

i am reading a book called: 'runaway-diary of a street kid' It's a published journal of a 14 year old girl's experience with homelessness. i'm reading it amongst so many other books and articles. i think it's important for me to almost bombard my brain right now. i need to overload myself with information and words for a little while. i like how it affects my sleep and my dreams. it affects my existence. and the way that i interact with people. but, it's also important for this project and for my writing.

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it's important to know and to listen to what is necessary and needed. like the overload of books, new york, these things. are all important parts of the process.

and ofcourse for me, gobase-my little cat man in the photo. he is the most important. and he helps me think and understand these things through..

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"I've got a flask inside my pocket, we can share it on the train. If you promise to stay conscious I will try and do the same. We might die from medication, but we sure killed all the pain. What was normal in the evening, by the morning seems insane" (bright eyes)